Letter from Treatment July 14, 2007

Following is a letter that Debbie wrote to our family from an inpatient treatment center that she went to voluntarily after lining up care for the kids and going through detox. I came across the letter today while cleaning off my desk and thought it said a lot about the work she was doing to make a change in her life in this past year.

On another note, Debbie's ashes arrived yesterday. I couldn't deal with them and left the open box on the kitchen counter for the rest of the day. What a surreal existence it is when grief can be delivered to your house in a box.

Today is better. Tomorrow is Mother's Day of course, and we've decided not to celebrate it right now. We want to get more guidance on how to talk to Vince and Isabella when these milestones come up. We're meeting with a therapist on Monday to start the process.

Here's the letter:

Hi!

Happy birthday, Del! (I know it's past by now, but it's your birthday as I'm writing this.) I hope you got to spend it however you wanted.

I wanted to thank you guys for the card. It came at a good time because my mood was all over the place yesterday. I got letters from Brandon and Emily at the same time, so you all really lifted my spirits and made me feel like I was where I am supposed to be.

This place is alright. I felt like leaving as soon as I got here, but I knew I just needed to wait it out. It helped that I got a really great roommate, but yesterday was her last day. I'm hoping for another good one! There are a lot of people here and the men outnumber the women by at least 3:1, so it's a little intimidting, but I'm trying to open up (to the women!) and not hide in my room.

I still feel shakey and have lots of anxiety and mood swings--just another thing I'm trying to wait out. There's lots of things rattling around in my head now that the "fog" is clearing and I'm in a different environment.

I just wanted to tell you guys how much it means to me that you continue to support and encourage me. I know I've caused a lot of worry and stress and caused a lot of pain to a lot of people. Even though I tend to distance myself from the family, I always know that you are there and I am loved which is a great comfort to me. It doesn't seem like "I'm sorry" and "Thank you" are enough, but I want you guys to know that I love you. And thank you for loving me--no matter what.

I am glad I'm here. I wish it hadn't taken me so long, but I'm here at last. I'm really dedicated to learning some new life skills and trying to find the joy in life again instead of just getting through it. I am hopeful...scared and uncomfortable, but hopeful.

I should be able to use the phone starting the 24th, so I'll be talking to you soon. Take care--I love you all!

Love,
Debbie