I apologize for the grim posting, but I know that some people don't know the whole story, so here it is...
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FACTOR ADDED TO CHARGES
MURDER SUSPECT REPORTEDLY HAD HISTORY OF ABUSE
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Section: News
Edition: Final
Page: B2 BY HECTOR CASTRO P-I reporter
A Seattle man has been charged with second-degree murder, accused of repeatedly stabbing his wife with a 13-inch barbecue fork in front of their two young children Friday.
In filing the charges against Juan Carlos Bonilla, 33, King County Prosecutor Daniel Satterberg added an aggravating factor - that the slaying was committed as an act of domestic violence.
Debra Lynn Bonilla, 38, suffered at least a dozen stab wounds, including one to her heart, in the attack at her Beacon Hill home. She died at Harborview Medical Center several hours after the attack. She had five children, three from a previous marriage.
Juan Carlos Bonilla was ordered held in the King County Jail on $1 million bail. He will be arraigned May 6.
If convicted, he would be looking at a standard range of 12 to 20 years in prison, though prosecutors have indicated they may seek an exceptionally higher sentence.
Bonilla has a history of assaulting his wife, according to court documents.
In 2001, when the couple lived in Alaska, Bonilla allegedly beat his then-pregnant wife, breaking her nose. He also allegedly threatened to stab her to death.
In 2003 in Minnesota, Bonilla was arrested for assaulting his wife, but it was unclear if he was convicted. Last year, Seattle police arrested him again for assaulting her.
Debra Bonilla sought a protection order that day, writing in her petition that her husband threatened to kill her if she cheated on him and constantly believed she was unfaithful.
It was unclear what may have set off Juan Carlos Bonilla on the night he is accused of killing his wife.
A roommate told police she had dinner with the family earlier that evening and spent time afterward with Debra Bonilla as the woman described the problems in her marriage, including her husband's drinking.
Debra Bonilla told the woman that "the protection order was basically unenforceable because Juan Carlos would always come back and force his way into the house."
Later that same night, the family ferret escaped. Debra Bonilla asked her roommate to help catch the animal, but the roommate declined and headed for her room.
Minutes later, she heard a scream. It wasn't long before the couple's 6-year-old son ran to the roommate for help, screaming, "Daddy stabbed Mommy!"
The roommate found Debra Bonilla in the back yard, a bent and bloody barbecue fork nearby. When police arrived, Bonilla was still conscious. She told officers that her husband had attacked her, according to the court documents.
Then she said, "I am going to die."
Police used a dog to track Juan Carlos Bonilla.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
Making our way in Minneapolis
It's Saturday evening, and we've made it through our second bedtime at home with all the kids. Bedtime used to take about 20 minutes for us, but so far, it's more like two hours. Vince and Isabella aren't used to a regular bedtime and are used to sleeping with Debbie. Add a new home, new family, and understandable fears, and they are practically sleep-resistant. It's a regular parade, with kids roaming from bed to bed, but Jon is laying down the law (as we all knew he would). Tomorrow, we're devising a bedtime routine, out of self-defense as much as anything.
Jon and Isabella both have strep throat, and Eli announced tonight that his throat hurts. We're keeping our fingers crossed that it doesn't hit all of us.
Jon's parents, Glenn and Joanne, who watched Eli and Annika while we were gone, have extended their stay until Tuesday in order to help us out. We're so grateful for their help.
We had a visit from a friend who brought several bags of toys to welcome the kids (courtesy of Guys' Poker Night winnings). He and his wife also loaned us their minivan and brought a couple meals. We're still learning what all went on at home while we were in Seattle, but when we arrived, beds and dressers had been set up for Vince and Isabella, including beautiful bedding. While we were gone, friends helped with our kids and brought meals, clothes, bedding, mattresses, a trundle bed, a dresser...it's just amazing.
We spent the day trying to organize the mudroom, adding shelves and coat hooks to accommodate the extra shoes, boots, coats, backpacks, etc. We're going to try to go through one room a day, purging and organizing. We already felt crowded before the family grew by two, so we also met with a realtor today to discuss options. Who knows what'll happen with that. We love where we live and don't want to leave our friends and community, so we're trying to think creatively about housing options.
Tonight, Vince and Jon had an interesting conversation. Vince always starts his questions by saying, "Hey, I have a question to tell you." Funny. So here's how it went:
Vince: Don't you know that guests only stay a short time?
Jon: Sure.
Vince: Then why did you call us guests?
Jon: I don't think I called you guests.
Vince: Yes, you told your kids that we were guests.
Jon: Oh, I didn't mean that you were guests. I was telling them to treat you like guests, so that you would feel comfortable in your new home. I'm sorry I confused you. You're not a guest. Okay? How long will you and Isabella be staying with us?
Vince: Forever?
Jon: Exactly. Forever and ever.
It's bittersweet watching these two try to make sense of things. It's also tough on Eli and Ani, since everything has changed for them too. We feel so protective of them all! And taking care of them helps get through the days. My mom is struggling with being home now with nothing to do and no one around. It's so hard to be alone with your grief. My very good friend sent me another Mary Oliver poem (I'm sure to be getting an email from Ms. Olivers' attorneys if I don't stop posting her work, but it's just so right. So sorry and thank you Mary Oliver!). Anyway, I'm posting it here for my mom.
Heavy
-Mary Oliver
The time
I thought I could not
go any closer to grief
without dying
I went closer
and I did not die.
Surely God had His hand in this,
as well as friends,
Still, I was bent,
and my laughter,
as the poet said,
was nowhere to be found.
Then said my friend Daniel
(brave even among lions),
"It's not the weight you carry
but how you carry it--
books, bricks, grief--
it's all in the way
you embrace it, balance it, carry it
when you cannot, and would not,
put it down."
So I went practicing.
Have you noticed?
Have you heard the laughter
that comes, now and again,
out of my startled mouth?
How I linger
to admire, admire, admire
the things of this world
that are kind, and maybe
also troubled--
roses in the wind,
the sea geese on the steep wave,
a love
to which there is no reply?
Sweet dreams,
Michelle
Jon and Isabella both have strep throat, and Eli announced tonight that his throat hurts. We're keeping our fingers crossed that it doesn't hit all of us.
Jon's parents, Glenn and Joanne, who watched Eli and Annika while we were gone, have extended their stay until Tuesday in order to help us out. We're so grateful for their help.
We had a visit from a friend who brought several bags of toys to welcome the kids (courtesy of Guys' Poker Night winnings). He and his wife also loaned us their minivan and brought a couple meals. We're still learning what all went on at home while we were in Seattle, but when we arrived, beds and dressers had been set up for Vince and Isabella, including beautiful bedding. While we were gone, friends helped with our kids and brought meals, clothes, bedding, mattresses, a trundle bed, a dresser...it's just amazing.
We spent the day trying to organize the mudroom, adding shelves and coat hooks to accommodate the extra shoes, boots, coats, backpacks, etc. We're going to try to go through one room a day, purging and organizing. We already felt crowded before the family grew by two, so we also met with a realtor today to discuss options. Who knows what'll happen with that. We love where we live and don't want to leave our friends and community, so we're trying to think creatively about housing options.
Tonight, Vince and Jon had an interesting conversation. Vince always starts his questions by saying, "Hey, I have a question to tell you." Funny. So here's how it went:
Vince: Don't you know that guests only stay a short time?
Jon: Sure.
Vince: Then why did you call us guests?
Jon: I don't think I called you guests.
Vince: Yes, you told your kids that we were guests.
Jon: Oh, I didn't mean that you were guests. I was telling them to treat you like guests, so that you would feel comfortable in your new home. I'm sorry I confused you. You're not a guest. Okay? How long will you and Isabella be staying with us?
Vince: Forever?
Jon: Exactly. Forever and ever.
It's bittersweet watching these two try to make sense of things. It's also tough on Eli and Ani, since everything has changed for them too. We feel so protective of them all! And taking care of them helps get through the days. My mom is struggling with being home now with nothing to do and no one around. It's so hard to be alone with your grief. My very good friend sent me another Mary Oliver poem (I'm sure to be getting an email from Ms. Olivers' attorneys if I don't stop posting her work, but it's just so right. So sorry and thank you Mary Oliver!). Anyway, I'm posting it here for my mom.
Heavy
-Mary Oliver
The time
I thought I could not
go any closer to grief
without dying
I went closer
and I did not die.
Surely God had His hand in this,
as well as friends,
Still, I was bent,
and my laughter,
as the poet said,
was nowhere to be found.
Then said my friend Daniel
(brave even among lions),
"It's not the weight you carry
but how you carry it--
books, bricks, grief--
it's all in the way
you embrace it, balance it, carry it
when you cannot, and would not,
put it down."
So I went practicing.
Have you noticed?
Have you heard the laughter
that comes, now and again,
out of my startled mouth?
How I linger
to admire, admire, admire
the things of this world
that are kind, and maybe
also troubled--
roses in the wind,
the sea geese on the steep wave,
a love
to which there is no reply?
Sweet dreams,
Michelle
Hello from 30,000 feet,
We write this from the airplane as we head back to Minneapolis. It will be so great to be home! Vince and Isabella have asked us everyday how many more days until we go to Minneapolis, and this morning they kept hurrying us and asking if we were sure the plane was waiting for us. They talked to Eli and Annika on the phone last night, making plans with each other about things they could play with when everyone was together. It was really sweet.
Yesterday was the viewing. Vince was barely interested in getting close to Debbie’s body and went off in another room to play. He did say goodbye and said “I love you mommy”. Isabella wanted to stay by her mommy and asked many questions about what would happen to her mom next and what it would be like when her mommy was an angel. We went outside, and she picked a flower which we put in Debbie’s hand. It was the first time either of the kids cried about the death. Isabella sobbed for an extended period and then cried off and on the rest of the day, wanting to see her mommy again. Neither of them asks about their dad. We hope this day, as hard as it was, will provide some closure for them (or at least the start).
Today is good. They are looking forward to their new life and want to look at pictures of Eli and Ani over and over.
Jon and I have talked about all the incredible messages we’re receiving from friends and family. People have made incredible offers of generosity, and we have no doubt that we’ll be able to manage with all the support we have around us. Thank you all. We just can’t say it enough. We’ve also talked about the number of times we’ve been called “amazing” or “heroic” and feel the labels don’t really fit. We’re not doing anything extraordinary. We simply found ourselves in a horrible situation and are dealing with it the best we know how. People do it everyday. People trudge ahead – that’s the norm, and we can’t imagine an alternative. It’s what Debbie was doing her whole life, so what else could we do?
We’ll send out another update over the weekend after we get some sleep. We are both walking zombies right now.
Love you all,
M&J
We write this from the airplane as we head back to Minneapolis. It will be so great to be home! Vince and Isabella have asked us everyday how many more days until we go to Minneapolis, and this morning they kept hurrying us and asking if we were sure the plane was waiting for us. They talked to Eli and Annika on the phone last night, making plans with each other about things they could play with when everyone was together. It was really sweet.
Yesterday was the viewing. Vince was barely interested in getting close to Debbie’s body and went off in another room to play. He did say goodbye and said “I love you mommy”. Isabella wanted to stay by her mommy and asked many questions about what would happen to her mom next and what it would be like when her mommy was an angel. We went outside, and she picked a flower which we put in Debbie’s hand. It was the first time either of the kids cried about the death. Isabella sobbed for an extended period and then cried off and on the rest of the day, wanting to see her mommy again. Neither of them asks about their dad. We hope this day, as hard as it was, will provide some closure for them (or at least the start).
Today is good. They are looking forward to their new life and want to look at pictures of Eli and Ani over and over.
Jon and I have talked about all the incredible messages we’re receiving from friends and family. People have made incredible offers of generosity, and we have no doubt that we’ll be able to manage with all the support we have around us. Thank you all. We just can’t say it enough. We’ve also talked about the number of times we’ve been called “amazing” or “heroic” and feel the labels don’t really fit. We’re not doing anything extraordinary. We simply found ourselves in a horrible situation and are dealing with it the best we know how. People do it everyday. People trudge ahead – that’s the norm, and we can’t imagine an alternative. It’s what Debbie was doing her whole life, so what else could we do?
We’ll send out another update over the weekend after we get some sleep. We are both walking zombies right now.
Love you all,
M&J
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Yesterday was the funeral, and it was really difficult. Brandon, Emily, and Olivia did a fantastic job planning their part. They chose perfect music and readings (including poetry that Deb had written). I'll try to get what they read and post it here. I read two poems from Mary Oliver, which I will include here. As I said during the service, Wild Geese is what I would have like to tell Debbie when she was still alive. The Journey is what I wanted to say to the rest of us who were struggling too and who are left to deal with the loss. Here they are:
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Mary Oliver
I wish I could have told Debbie that the world was hers too and that she had a place in the family of things--a place that only she could hold. I would have wanted her to know that we didn't want her to be perfect, or even "good" as the poem says. We just wanted a world with her in it.
Here's the second poem.
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Mary Oliver
The Journey is a poem that has helped me a lot throughout my adult life. I appreciate its message of sloughing off the old burdens and peeling away from the people that take too much. We are each ultimately walking a lone journey, one that can be lonely and painful and beautiful. It's practically an anthem for recovery, one that I think Debbie would have appreciated.
Michelle
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
Mary Oliver
I wish I could have told Debbie that the world was hers too and that she had a place in the family of things--a place that only she could hold. I would have wanted her to know that we didn't want her to be perfect, or even "good" as the poem says. We just wanted a world with her in it.
Here's the second poem.
The Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.
Mary Oliver
The Journey is a poem that has helped me a lot throughout my adult life. I appreciate its message of sloughing off the old burdens and peeling away from the people that take too much. We are each ultimately walking a lone journey, one that can be lonely and painful and beautiful. It's practically an anthem for recovery, one that I think Debbie would have appreciated.
Michelle
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Memorial Fund
Please send donations to:
M&I Bank
Attn: The Vince & Isabella Education Fund
651 Nicollet Mall
Minneapolis, MN 55402
M&I Bank
Attn: The Vince & Isabella Education Fund
651 Nicollet Mall
Minneapolis, MN 55402
Following is an excerpt from a writing by Debbie on 2/19/08:
My story is pretty typical, the kind of story you hear told and retold in recovery. The faces change, the cities change, and some of the gritty details change, but the feelings are all the same. The results are all the same; an agonizing, soul destroying, suicidal descent into desperate nothingness. The only thing that makes this story special is that it is mine......
It took the brutal honesty of the women in my group to inspire me. It has taken their vulnerability and their love to help me feel again. It has taken their encouragement to give me hope again.
I have been sober for 4 ½ months. It is nothing short of a miracle. It has been difficult, incredibly difficult, but then again so has the rest of it. I have such a long way to go, and I have no doubt that I am my own worst enemy. But I have glimpsed another way, and I long to see more. I have felt genuine happiness, and I want to feel more. I have come this far, and I want more.
My story is pretty typical, the kind of story you hear told and retold in recovery. The faces change, the cities change, and some of the gritty details change, but the feelings are all the same. The results are all the same; an agonizing, soul destroying, suicidal descent into desperate nothingness. The only thing that makes this story special is that it is mine......
It took the brutal honesty of the women in my group to inspire me. It has taken their vulnerability and their love to help me feel again. It has taken their encouragement to give me hope again.
I have been sober for 4 ½ months. It is nothing short of a miracle. It has been difficult, incredibly difficult, but then again so has the rest of it. I have such a long way to go, and I have no doubt that I am my own worst enemy. But I have glimpsed another way, and I long to see more. I have felt genuine happiness, and I want to feel more. I have come this far, and I want more.
(From Michelle)
Jon and I spent yesterday at the attorney’s office working through the process of getting permanent legal custody of the Vince and Isabella. It was incredibly draining, but also very encouraging. The attorneys are optimistic about the kids being placed with us.
Cleanup of the house continues, but we have divided up duties among us, so those of us who are struggling with being at the house don’t need to keep going back there. It’s incredibly difficult to be in Debbie’s home—impossible to deny the reality of what has happened when surrounded by the physical reality of her life. The house was a surprise to us. There was no evidence of the crime, and the normalcy of what we found was unsettling. Several years ago, when the family lived in Richfield, Carlos beat Debbie (and threatened to kill her), and we cleaned up the mess of blood and disarray. At that time the house revealed the chaos they were living, but this time nothing. The grief hits me hard when I’m there.
We had Animal Control pick up their two cats and ferret and had a moment of hilarity when another cat appeared right after Animal Control left, and Aimee wondered if we had sent the wrong cat away. We’re dealing with the cars, bills, etc.
We met with the funeral home yesterday and made arrangements for her viewing and cremation. Her older children have been very involved in the planning, and everyone feels good about the arrangements. The service will be at 1:00 tomorrow (Wed.), and the viewing for immediate family only on Thursday (tentatively, because the Medical Examiner has not released her body yet—frustrating).
The kids are remarkable. The older children are coping with incredible grace. The two younger children have accepted the current situation of being with our family and are playful and sweet. We have absolutely fallen in love with them! Jon and I are taking them to zoo today to get them out of the hotel. There’s plenty of heartbreak with them too. Isabella continues to talk about her daddy stabbing her mommy and that now they don’t have a daddy anymore, only a mommy. They believe that Debbie is at the hospital. Vince doesn’t talk about the incident at all. Isabella also asked why we came and if we didn’t want them to go to their daddy and get stabbed by him. What these children have experienced is beyond comprehension. There will be tough times ahead for all of us.
On a positive note, the support we’ve received from all of you is stunning. We requested declarations of support for us as parents, and they came pouring in this morning. We may need to reread them in the future to remind ourselves that we CAN do this. We’ve also received so many offers of help. Thank you all so much!! We feel very nurtured and supported.
We love you all,
Jon & Michelle
_____

From: Jon Freeland
Sent: Monday, April 21, 2008 10:25 AM
Subject: Update from Seattle
Hi everyone,
We are surviving here one day at a time. We all remarked last tonight that it feels like we’ve been here for a week now, although it’s only been 36 hours. The days have been long with lots of details to work through, but the busy work actually helps keep us focused and not dwelling to much on the mess.
We spent the afternoon yesterday with Brandon, Emily, and Olivia, Debbie’s oldest kids from here first marriage. You all may remember them from their trips to the lake with us. They have been living with their Dad in Tacoma for the last several years, because of the volatility of Deb’s home. Emily (14) is struggling the most as she was the closest with Debbie and had lived with her sporadically over the years. Brandon (17) is a senior in HS and has had limited time with Deb and Carlos; he’s doing well but is holding in a lot of anger. Olivia (11) is a very sweet and caring girl and has had a more limited exposure to this household. She’s just going with the flow and hanging in there.
Late yesterday afternoon, Michelle and I were awarded temporary custody of Vince (5 yrs almost 6) and Isabella (4 yrs). They don’t know that Debbie died yet; we’ve decided to give them a day or so to get comfortable with us and then will break the news. Isabella witnessed the stabbing and told the foster family that “daddy stabbed mommy”. She also told me last night that “daddy is in jail; he told me he’s going to be in jail forever and isn’t coming back”. Wow. Vince was also around the scene, didn’t see the actual stabbing, but saw Debbie lying on the ground outside after it happened. Such a horrific scene. Even with all of this, they warmed up to us immediately and are making plans to travel to Minnesota. They both cuddled right up with us in bed—laughing, and wanting their backs, arms, legs, and stomachs scratched. I guess our bed time routine will be extended a bit!
They are still under the oversight of the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services (Child Protection Services), that initially placed then in a foster home Saturday morning. Once we passed all of the background checks and screening processes, they gave us temporary custody. We are working to hire an attorney today to help us with the process of securing Permanent Legal Custody, which hopefully will happened in the next three to four days. We need the permanent custody before taking them home. At this point, we are being told that we should get permanent custody.
We are busy dealing with a house full of stuff. No one will be coming home, so we need to get it empty and cleaned up (thank God, there isn’t any evidence of the tragedy). We took the older kids over there yesterday, so they can get their belongings out. Everyone is struggling with being at the house. It’s so tough to see her home and belongings without her there. Debbie was obviously trying very hard to make changes in her life. So sad she was paralyzed by her addictions and didn’t get there.
The family is gathering together: Del and Kathy traveled with us Saturday; Aimee (Michelle’s sister) also flew in on Saturday; Sid came out yesterday (he really wanted to be here); Steve (Michelle’s brother) arrived yesterday afternoon from Georgia; and Tyler (Aimee’s significant dude) is landing this morning. It’s been great to have everyone together. The funeral is hopefully on Wednesday. Del, Kathy, and Aimee are working to make the arrangements this morning while Michelle and I are working on the custody issues.
My amazing wife is struggling at times, but overall is so strong and keeping the family together. I watched her last night take these kids into her arms last night with unconditional love; it was an amazing sight. Even though the kids will struggle, together we will be strong.
I appreciate your prayers, love, and tears. We’re going to be fine and are excited to give Vince and Isabelle a safe and loving home. Feel free to send this update out to anyone you who may be interested.
Lastly, we do appreciate all of your emails and notes. Although Michelle and I may not have time to respond to them right now, we are receiving and reading them all.
Love you tons,
Jon & Michelle
Jon and I spent yesterday at the attorney’s office working through the process of getting permanent legal custody of the Vince and Isabella. It was incredibly draining, but also very encouraging. The attorneys are optimistic about the kids being placed with us.
Cleanup of the house continues, but we have divided up duties among us, so those of us who are struggling with being at the house don’t need to keep going back there. It’s incredibly difficult to be in Debbie’s home—impossible to deny the reality of what has happened when surrounded by the physical reality of her life. The house was a surprise to us. There was no evidence of the crime, and the normalcy of what we found was unsettling. Several years ago, when the family lived in Richfield, Carlos beat Debbie (and threatened to kill her), and we cleaned up the mess of blood and disarray. At that time the house revealed the chaos they were living, but this time nothing. The grief hits me hard when I’m there.
We had Animal Control pick up their two cats and ferret and had a moment of hilarity when another cat appeared right after Animal Control left, and Aimee wondered if we had sent the wrong cat away. We’re dealing with the cars, bills, etc.
We met with the funeral home yesterday and made arrangements for her viewing and cremation. Her older children have been very involved in the planning, and everyone feels good about the arrangements. The service will be at 1:00 tomorrow (Wed.), and the viewing for immediate family only on Thursday (tentatively, because the Medical Examiner has not released her body yet—frustrating).
The kids are remarkable. The older children are coping with incredible grace. The two younger children have accepted the current situation of being with our family and are playful and sweet. We have absolutely fallen in love with them! Jon and I are taking them to zoo today to get them out of the hotel. There’s plenty of heartbreak with them too. Isabella continues to talk about her daddy stabbing her mommy and that now they don’t have a daddy anymore, only a mommy. They believe that Debbie is at the hospital. Vince doesn’t talk about the incident at all. Isabella also asked why we came and if we didn’t want them to go to their daddy and get stabbed by him. What these children have experienced is beyond comprehension. There will be tough times ahead for all of us.
On a positive note, the support we’ve received from all of you is stunning. We requested declarations of support for us as parents, and they came pouring in this morning. We may need to reread them in the future to remind ourselves that we CAN do this. We’ve also received so many offers of help. Thank you all so much!! We feel very nurtured and supported.
We love you all,
Jon & Michelle
_____

From: Jon Freeland
Sent: Monday, April 21, 2008 10:25 AM
Subject: Update from Seattle
Hi everyone,
We are surviving here one day at a time. We all remarked last tonight that it feels like we’ve been here for a week now, although it’s only been 36 hours. The days have been long with lots of details to work through, but the busy work actually helps keep us focused and not dwelling to much on the mess.
We spent the afternoon yesterday with Brandon, Emily, and Olivia, Debbie’s oldest kids from here first marriage. You all may remember them from their trips to the lake with us. They have been living with their Dad in Tacoma for the last several years, because of the volatility of Deb’s home. Emily (14) is struggling the most as she was the closest with Debbie and had lived with her sporadically over the years. Brandon (17) is a senior in HS and has had limited time with Deb and Carlos; he’s doing well but is holding in a lot of anger. Olivia (11) is a very sweet and caring girl and has had a more limited exposure to this household. She’s just going with the flow and hanging in there.
Late yesterday afternoon, Michelle and I were awarded temporary custody of Vince (5 yrs almost 6) and Isabella (4 yrs). They don’t know that Debbie died yet; we’ve decided to give them a day or so to get comfortable with us and then will break the news. Isabella witnessed the stabbing and told the foster family that “daddy stabbed mommy”. She also told me last night that “daddy is in jail; he told me he’s going to be in jail forever and isn’t coming back”. Wow. Vince was also around the scene, didn’t see the actual stabbing, but saw Debbie lying on the ground outside after it happened. Such a horrific scene. Even with all of this, they warmed up to us immediately and are making plans to travel to Minnesota. They both cuddled right up with us in bed—laughing, and wanting their backs, arms, legs, and stomachs scratched. I guess our bed time routine will be extended a bit!
They are still under the oversight of the Washington State Department of Social and Health Services (Child Protection Services), that initially placed then in a foster home Saturday morning. Once we passed all of the background checks and screening processes, they gave us temporary custody. We are working to hire an attorney today to help us with the process of securing Permanent Legal Custody, which hopefully will happened in the next three to four days. We need the permanent custody before taking them home. At this point, we are being told that we should get permanent custody.
We are busy dealing with a house full of stuff. No one will be coming home, so we need to get it empty and cleaned up (thank God, there isn’t any evidence of the tragedy). We took the older kids over there yesterday, so they can get their belongings out. Everyone is struggling with being at the house. It’s so tough to see her home and belongings without her there. Debbie was obviously trying very hard to make changes in her life. So sad she was paralyzed by her addictions and didn’t get there.
The family is gathering together: Del and Kathy traveled with us Saturday; Aimee (Michelle’s sister) also flew in on Saturday; Sid came out yesterday (he really wanted to be here); Steve (Michelle’s brother) arrived yesterday afternoon from Georgia; and Tyler (Aimee’s significant dude) is landing this morning. It’s been great to have everyone together. The funeral is hopefully on Wednesday. Del, Kathy, and Aimee are working to make the arrangements this morning while Michelle and I are working on the custody issues.
My amazing wife is struggling at times, but overall is so strong and keeping the family together. I watched her last night take these kids into her arms last night with unconditional love; it was an amazing sight. Even though the kids will struggle, together we will be strong.
I appreciate your prayers, love, and tears. We’re going to be fine and are excited to give Vince and Isabelle a safe and loving home. Feel free to send this update out to anyone you who may be interested.
Lastly, we do appreciate all of your emails and notes. Although Michelle and I may not have time to respond to them right now, we are receiving and reading them all.
Love you tons,
Jon & Michelle
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